I think i got the answer already. That's enough for me.

the same old thing happened again onto another person.....i tried to follow the instruction not to make things complicated....but no one even dare to listen to my invitation, to my explanation for the complication issue.

1st try to disclose...a total failure....hahahhahah good job, my dear....you always ruin the party. you're really who you are! haha

I always wanna come and drop a note, a note for myself in the future to taste, to recap. Yet....i was either too busy, too lazy, too tired, too down...or maybe these are all the excuses....

There's a lot worth to be recorded, to be remembered in this 9 months, something made me proud of, something made me disappointed, something made me sweet in heart, something made me cried.

How should i start?! 9 months ago, i got my own rented place within a walking distance to my 2 closest families, every single furniture from small as a cup to big as a table, a mattress, i moved, i strive by myself, life was really "that tough", yes, it was, it is and it will.

8 months ago, i became the english teacher, the HRT; 240 kids at once freaked me out; i wasn't supposed to be the HRT, but God my Lord listened my prayer. and that just added my first year teaching with the only meaning in it. i can't really imagine how dull, how disappointed it will be without my own class. yet, everything got its good and bad side. my own 39 kids made me proud, paradoxically, they made my head big at the same time, too. there's always a lot i want to do, yet, there's always not enough time, not enough energy, not enough resources, not enough support, not enough understanding. oh, my dear, my kids, do u know, can u feel how much i love, i try to love, i'm weak to love u all?!

since 8 months ago, my day starts at 6:30 in the morning and ends around 11 sth at night. this helpless, useless teacher would break the record some time to stay until 12 or 1 in the morning. Her schedule is 24+3 with 4 periods in a row in the morning as a must; 6 periods in a row from 8:10 till 2:40 non-stop on every Tue and another 6 in a row on the periodically depressing Friday. She got quite a big desk where she cried, she struggled, she napped. It's somehow her little world without anyone noticed her tears flooded it continuously in the first few months and keep going from time to time even now. It's a cold 7/F, a real cold one in heart. she left around 6, 7, or 8. back home, work continues. it's a 12-hour work, or even over 12 hours. maybe it's all becoz she's dumped.

i keep asking this teacher every day what makes her keep going....she can never answer me...that's life....that's why u still need to keep moving on....she cried, she cries, she's crying, i asked her why she didn't give up.....why not taking a rest in the valley...she's just too tired, too scared to stand up from the valley again.....or maybe she's even too tired to make a step to give up. 

when reality doesn't match your expectation, your dream.....yes, it's just your problem to set such a high expectation, a high goal in your life....

i still don't know why she keeps going....but i know you 2 monkeys got the magic key to press her button.

One Christian leader told of an experience she had when she took her two daughters out to eat at a restaurant. Her girls pointed out a schoolteacher they both had in school also eating at the same place. The teacher had come in and sat down with her husband.
 As the mother and her daughters were getting ready to leave she felt an urge to go over and thank the teacher for the contribution she had made to her children’s lives.
 . All the way to the exit the urge continued. As she reached the door, the mom turned around and went back to the teacher’s table, introduced herself, and delivered her sentence or two of gratitude.
 The teacher almost burst into tears: “I was just telling my husband that I don’t know if I can teach any longer. I’ve had the worst day I’ve had in twenty years of teaching.”

The mother’s words of gratitude came at just the right time in the life of this teacher.